4. Shakespeare-in-Essence:
The Adventures of Falstaff

City-State Press

The Shakespeare-in-Essence series

Shakespeare is simply too difficult for most people to truly understand and enjoy. Yet a whole world of love and learning is lost to those who do not know Shakespeare well.

And so, I have written this series to bring genuine Shakespeare (essential, condensed and carefully-selected dialogue) to the general public, inserting at intervals normally quick comments which seek to illuminate Shakespeare’s deeper meanings. No wordy, obscure essays to read before or after the play. You comprehend Shakespeare’s meanings while you are reading him.

The idea is to provide an unusually understandable and pleasurable reading experience. You tell me if I have or have not succeeded. You must come away feeling greatly rewarded – I will not settle for less than this – or I have failed.

I am betting that Shakespeare-in-Essence tragedies such as Hamlet, Othello, King Lear, Romeo and Juliet, Antony and Cleopatra . . . will leave you deeply touched, perhaps numb, and never forgetting what you have read.

I am also betting that comedies such as A Midsummer Night’s Dream, As You Like It, Twelfth Night, the male chauvinist Taming of the Shrew and the female chauvinist Merry Wives of Windsor . . . will leave you amused and delighted -- forever.

That’s what Shakespeare can do for you.

Henry IV, Part I

The historical epic of
Honor versus Falstaff

- - - - - - - - -

This chronicle play is one of Shakespeare’s finest works, thanks largely to Falstaff, the (I say it again) greatest comic character in Literature. Hotspur, the brilliant rebel, wins our sympathy and centuries of admiring applause. Prince Henry, alias Hal, completes the triumverate of splendid characters in this epic of rebellion and counter-insurgency, of heroism and anti-heroism.

- - - - - - - - -

Falstaff. Now, Hal, what time of day is it, lad?

Prince. What a devil hast thou to do with the
time of the day? Unless hours were cups of sack,
and minutes capons, and clocks the tongues of
bawds, and dials the signs of leaping-houses
[brothels], and the blessed sun himself a fair
hot wench in flame-colored taffeta, I see no
reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to
demand the time of the day.

That pretty well sums up Falstaff’s life-style – drinking, gluttonising, whoring, sleeping. And he in his 50’s.

Falstaff. Indeed, you come near me now, Hal, for we
that take purses go by the moon and the seven stars,
and not by Phoebus [the sun], he, ‘that wandering
knight so fair’.

Yes, they also “take purses”, engaging in the sport of robbery to pay for all this fun.

- - - - - - - - -

Enter Well-Heeled Travellers,
on their way from London to Canterbury

First Traveller. Come neighbor, the boy shall
lead our horses down the hill. We’ll walk
afoot awhile and ease our legs.

Thieves. Stand!

Travellers. Jesus bless us!

Falstaff. Strike, down with them. Cut the villains’
throats. Ah, whoreson caterpillars, bacon-fed
knaves, they hate us youth[!]. Down with them,
fleece them.

Travellers. O we are undone, both we and ours
for ever.

Falstaff. Hang ye, gorbellied knaves, are ye undone?
No ye fat chuffs, I would your store were here.
On, bacons, on! What ye knaves, young men must
live.

The four bandits rob them and tie them up. At this point the scene shifts to Hal and Poins who have stayed away, donning disguises.

Prince. The thieves have bound the true men.
Now could thou and I rob the thieves, and go
merrily to London, it would be argument [a good
story], laughter for a month, and a good jest
for ever.

The bandits walk down the hill in the direction of Hal and Poins who are still in hiding. Then they stop and begin sharing the loot.

Re-enter Thieves

Falstaff. Come, my masters, let us share, and then
to horse before day. An the Prince and Poins
be not two arrant cowards, there’s no equity stirring.
There’s no more valor in that Poins than in a
wild duck.

Prince. Your money!

Poins. Villains!

Bardolph, Peto and Gadshill run away. Falstaff, after a blow or two, runs also, leaving the loot behind.

- - - - - - - - -

Act V, scene 1. The reformed and now serious-and-responsible Prince has just left him, and Falstaff openly philosophizes in soliloquy:

What is honor? a word. What is in that word
honor? air. A trim reckoning! Who hath it? he
that died a-Wednesday. Doth he feel it? no.
Doth he hear it? no. ’Tis insensible then? yea,
to the dead. But will it not live with the living? no.
Why? Detraction will not suffer it. Therefore I’ll
none of it. Honor is a mere scutcheon – and so
ends my catechism.

 

Henry IV, Part II

The return of Rebellion and Falstaff

- - - - - - - - -

Enter, behind, Prince Henry and Poins,
disguised as waiters

Falstaff. Peace, good Doll! do not speak like a
death’s-head. Do not bid me remember mine end.

Doll. Sirrah, what humor’s the Prince of?

Falstaff. A good shallow young fellow. ’A [he]
would have made a good pantler [pantryman], ’a
would ha’ chipped bread well.

Doll. They say Poins has a good wit.

Falstaff. He a good wit? Hang him, baboon! His wit’s
as thick as Tewksbury mustard; there’s no more
conceit [inventiveness] in him than is in a mallet.

Prince (alone to Poins, overhearing all Falstaff has said).
Would not this nave of a wheel have his ears
cut off?

Poins (alone to Hal). Let’s beat him before his whore.

Prince (alone to Poins). Look, whether the withered
elder hath not his poll clawed like a parrot.

Poins (alone to Hal). Is it not strange that desire
should so many years outlive performance?

Falstaff. Thou dost give me flattering busses.

Falstaff calls for sack, Hal and Poins coming forward. As they answer like waiters, “Anon, anon, sir,” they simultaneously reveal themselves.

Falstaff. Ha! a bastard son of the King’s?
And art not thou Poins his brother?

Prince. Why, thou globe of sinful continents,
what a life dost thou lead!

- - - - - - - - -

Shallow is a rather eccentric character, not far short of being a true ‘fantastick’.

Enter Bardolph and one with him

Bardolph. Good morrow, honest gentlemen.
I beseech you, which is Justice Shallow?

Shallow. I am Robert Shallow, sir; a poor esquire
of this county, and one of the King’s justices of
the peace. What is your good pleasure with me?

Bardolph. My captain, sir, commends him to you;
my captain, Sir John Falstaff, a tall gentleman
[tall: brave], by heaven, and a most gallant leader.

Speaking of the devil, the gallant walks in. He comes with the legal authority to impress poor souls into military service.

Falstaff. Fie! this is hot weather, gentlemen.
Have you provided me here half a dozen sufficient
men?

Shallow. Marry, have we sir. Will you sit?

Falstaff. Let me see them, I beseech you.

Shallow. Where’s the roll? Where’s the roll?
Where’s the roll? Let me see. Let me see.
Let me see. So, so, so, so, so, so, so. Yea,
marry, sir. Ralph Mouldy! Let them appear as
I call. Let me see. Where is Ralph Mouldy?

Mouldy. Here, an’t please you.

Falstaff. Is thy name Mouldy?

Mouldy. Yea, an’t please you.

Falstaff. ’Tis the more time thou wert used.

Shallow. Ha, ha, ha! most excellent, i’ faith!
things that are mouldy lack use; very singular
good!

Falstaff. Prick him. [Mark him down.]

Mouldy. I was pricked well enough before
[“prick” has a second meaning], an you could
have let me alone. My old dame will be undone
now for one to do her husbandry and her
drudgery. You need not to have pricked me;
there are other men fitter to go out than I.

It avails him nothing. Mouldy finds himself pricked again.

- - - - - - - - -

Enter a Messenger

Hastings. Now, what news?

Messenger. West of this forest, scarcely off a mile,
In goodly form comes on the enemy.
And, by the ground they hide, I judge their number
Upon or near the rate of thirty thousand.

Mowbray. The just proportion that we gave them out.
Let us sway on and face them in the field.

The numbers on each side are fairly even, and Mowbray is keen to fight. His father and Bolingbroke (now Henry IV) were adversaries who were stopped by King Richard II from waging a trial by combat. The elder Mowbray was banished and died in exile. (See Shakespeare’s Richard II.)
. . .

IV.2 Another part of the forest. The archbishop, Mowbray, Hastings and others come from one side; Prince John of Lancaster, Westmoreland and others come from the opposite side.
. . .

Westmoreland. Pleaseth your Grace to answer them directly
How far forth you do like their articles.

Prince John. I like them all, and do allow them well,
And swear here, by the honor of my blood,
My father’s purposes have been mistook.
My lord, these griefs shall be with speed redressed.
Upon my soul, they shall.

If this may please you,
Discharge your powers unto their several counties,
As we will ours. And here between the armies
Let’s drink together friendly and embrace,
That all their eyes may bear those tokens home
Of our restored love and amity.

Archbishop. I take your princely word for these redressed.

Prince John. I give it to you, and will maintain my word.
And thereupon I drink unto your Grace.

. . .

Hastings returns, and announces:

My lord, our army is dispersed already.
Like youthful steers unyoked, they take their courses
East, west, north, south; or, like a school broke up,
Each hurries toward his home and sporting-place.

Westmoreland. Good tidings, my Lord Hastings, for the which
I do arrest thee, traitor, of high treason.
And you, Lord Archbishop, and you, Lord Mowbray,
Of capital treason I attach you both.

The Merry Wives of Windsor

Falstaff in love and farce

“I do mean to make love to Ford’s wife.”

Falstaff

- - - - - - - - -

Act III, scene 3. The hall of Master Ford’s house. Falstaff enters it.

Falstaff (to Mistress Ford). Now let me die (“die”,
slang for sexual climax, satisfaction), for I
have lived long enough. This is the period of
my ambition. O blessed hour!

Mistress Ford. O sweet Sir John!

Before Falstaff can get down to business, his page Robin calls from without:

Robin. Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford! Here’s
Mistress Page at the door, sweating, and
blowing, and looking wildly, and would
needs speak with you presently.

Falstaff. She shall not see me. I will ensconce me
behind the arras.

Mistress Ford. Pray you, do so. She’s a very tattling
woman.

Of course, Mistresses Ford and Page share each other’s confidence. But what Mistress Page hastens to communicate will come as a surprise to everyone.

Enter Mistress Page and Robin
Falstaff hides behind the tapestry

Mistress Ford. What’s the matter, good Mistress Page?

Mistress Page. O well-a-day, Mistress Ford! Having
an honest man to your husband, to give him
such cause of suspicion.

Mistress Ford. Why, alas, what’s the matter?

Mistress Page. Your husband’s coming hither,
woman, with all the officers in Windsor, to
search for a gentleman that he says is here
now in the house, by your consent, to take an
ill advantage of his absence. You are undone.

Mistress Ford. ’Tis not so, I hope.

But ’tis so, and they must scramble. Mistress Page points out a large basket and suggests the gentleman may step in, be covered with dirty linen, and carried out by two servants.

Mistress Ford. He’s too big to go in there.
What shall I do?

But Falstaff will take any chance of escape. He thrusts the arras aside and rushes towards the basket.